2004-08-27 - 10:26 a.m.
I'm not sure where I got this but I thought I would post it. I wish I'd put it together.
To spies and spy chasers, some names have become synonymous with the term "superspy." Long after their top-secret missions are forgotten, people still remember their gadgets, their designations, and even their catch phrases. Shaken, not stirred. Smashingly groovy, baby! Read on to learn more about the suave agents, debonair moles, and charming emissaries who live on in clandestine memory.
10. Gary Powers, U2 pilot
Gary Powers wasn't a debonair spy. He was just a pilot doing his job. However, his job was to photograph secret military installations in the former Soviet Union (under the guise of collecting weather data). On May Day, 1960, Powers' U2 spy plane was shot down by the Soviets, and Powers was captured by the KGB. The incident was one of the most tense moments of the Cold War, but it was later resolved when the Soviets returned Powers to the United States in trade for Soviet spy Rudolph Abel.
9. Jethro Bodine, double-naught spy
Boy howdy, when spyin' a-had's to be done, Jethro Bodine the double-naught spy was on the case. Played by Max Baer Jr., the "Beverly Hillbillies" star put his brain muscle to work, a-spyin' on Mr. Drysdale's competition.
A master of fightin' or lovin', Jethro had all the spy gadgets. When danger lurked while driving the truck, a cast iron bathtub dropped to protect him. ("That's good, boy, but how are you going to drive underneath a bathtub?") And his top-secret shoe radio informed him of the current geopolitical climate (though it turned off after every second step).
8. Wile E. Coyote, supergenius
What happens when a supergenius finds an Acme� Super Spy kit? Wile E. Coyote, the Looney Tunes adversary of the Roadrunner, once tried his paws at spying (in an episode titled "Sugar and Spies"). But armed with a spy car, spy suit, and spy gadgets, Wile E. Coyote (spyophage mensa-normous) only managed to hurt himself quite badly, and he never did catch up to the Roadrunner (counterespionage soundbarrieriya).
Meep meep!
7. Julian and Ethel Rosenburg, everyday spies
Were Julian and Ethel Rosenburg guilty of passing Manhattan Project secrets to the Soviets? This much is known:
David Greenglass was a machinist-soldier at Los Alamos during the 1940s.
Greenglass' wife, Ruth, was the sister of Julian Rosenburg.
In 1943 Julian Rosenburg asked Ruth to convince her husband to provide him with descriptions of Manhattan Project research. Greenglass agreed. Greenglass later said he passed research notes to Julian Rosenburg directly or through a courier (Harry Gold) sent to New Mexico to collect the information.
Julian and Ethel Rosenburg were charged with conspiracy to commit espionage to aid a foreign government. Both denied all charges. Under oath, Ruth Greenglass testified that Ethel Rosenburg once spent an evening typing his handwritten Los Alamos notes. David Greenglass recently admitted this allegation was false, adding he was pressured by the prosecution to commit perjury.
The jury pronounced both Rosenburgs guilty of all charges. On June 19, 1953, Julian and Ethel Rosenburg were executed in the electric chair. Read more about the events surrounding the infamous trial of Julian and Ethel Rosenburg.
6. Boris and Natasha, moose and squirrel hunters
Of all the spies listed here, none is more vile and despicable than the dastardly duo of Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale. If not for the heroic deeds of Bullwinkle J. Moose and Rocket J. Squirrel, the depraved Pottsylvania duet would have savagely terrorized the good people of Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, with such shameful spy weapons as "goof gas," the Kirward Derby, and an explosive set of Encyclopedia Badenov.
Will Bullwinkle and Rocky defeat the loathsome lineup of Boris and Natasha? Stay tuned for our next segment, "All's Bad That Ends Badenov."
5. John Andr�, revolutionary note passer
In 1775, American revolutionary troops laid siege to St. John's, Newfoundland, taking second lieutenant John Andr� as a prisoner of war. Andr� was exchanged and later rejoined the British Army. Under Sir Henry Clinton, Andr� was made head of intelligence in April 1779.
Meanwhile, Benedict Arnold, military commander of Philadelphia, was falling out of favor with the American rebels. In May 1779 Arnold sent for Joseph Stansbury, who then met with Andr� and arranged to pass information between Arnold and Andr�. In the following months Arnold provided many military and political secrets to the British.
On September 21, 1779, Andr� was caught by American troops, who found a ciphered note in Andr�'s sock that detailed Arnold's treason. Andr� was hanged as a spy in Tappan, New York, on October 2, 1780.
Without a doubt, there are better ways to fix a hole in your sock.
4. Austin Powers, shagadelic swinger
Hello, I'm Dr. Evil. As part of my rehabilitation, Basil Exposition asked me to talk about my brother, Austin Powers. So throw me a frickin' bone here, OK?
Austin Powers is the son of Nigel Powers, England's most renown spy. At the British Intelligence Academy, Austin Powers was voted "International Man of Mystery," an accolade for which I was destined but denied. I turned my attention to such evil matters as graduating from evil medical school, holding the world ransom for $1 million, and creating sharks with frickin' laser beams attached to their heads. Austin Powers went on to become a shagadelic swinging superspy, not to mention my most despised nemesis.
Riiiiiight. Over the years, Mr. Powers employed many gadgets to escape my easily escapable situations involving an overly elaborate and exotic death. Most troubling were Austin's Shaguar (with machine guns and ejector seat), his telescopic glasses, and something Mr. Powers refers to as his "mojo."
Fortunately, Mr. Powers never exposed me to his Swedish Penis-Enlarging Pump. You see, it's not really my bag.
3. Aldrich Ames, greedy mole
ldrich Hazen Ames grew up in the CIA family. His father was an operative who persuaded the agency to accept his son for training. Eventually Ames was named the counterintelligence branch chief in Soviet operations, an assignment that gave him access to all of the CIA's "human assets" in the Soviet Union.
Meanwhile, Ames' private life was a mess. His Mexican mistress was running up some huge debts and pressuring Ames to divorce his wife. He began fantasizing about ways to raise money to cover his debts, and it wasn't long before fantasy turned into reality.
Ames began trading the names of agents for cash. He eventually sold out CIA operatives working undercover in the Soviet Union. All were immediately arrested. Some were sentenced to "vyshaya mera": They were shot in the back of the head so their faces were made unrecognizable. Ames was paid $2 million by the KGB, with another $2 million held for him in trust at a Moscow bank.
It wasn't long before his co-workers noticed Ames' new house, his Rolex watches, and the Jaguar he drove to work. In 1994 the spy hit the fan. Ames was convicted for treason and now serves a life sentence in prison with no chance of parole.
The only spy gadget Ames needed was his own greed.
2. James Bond, 007
His double-O designation says it all. James Bond, the suave, sophisticated, and flirtatious MI6 superspy, is the star of Ian Fleming books and Hollywood movies, and the inspiration for countless games, toys, and Happy Meals. Bond's spy gadget arsenal, mostly invented by MI6's Agent Q, includes a jet pack, a submarine miniboat, killer cufflinks, and X-ray sunglasses.
But Bond's most successful spy ability is his knack for totally changing his accent and appearance. From suave Englishman, to recessive-hairline Scot, to knighted Englishman, briefly back to younger Englishman, and finally to Remington Steele look-alike, Bond's gift for morphology is his greatest spy asset.
1. X, the spy you've never heard about
Only bad spies get caught, and only retired and fictitious spies get their adventures made into books and movies. The "real" spies -- those with no official designation or clearance -- are still at large, and will remain largely unknown. These operatives keep countries secure from terrorists, foreign adversaries, and imminent threats. In exchange for their anonymity, we still have a world to call home.
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